A dedication to Chrissy and to everything she does

Yet again Chrissy has worked tirelessly to clean the world’s dust that has accumulated in our van and on our belongings. Thank you for that and for unpacking, itemising and repacking everything in the van in preparation for the next section of our journey. Thank you very much Chrissy(This time you are infront of the camera).

The long wait in Vientiane (27th October to 30th December)

As you are probably aware we have been in Vientiane from the 27th October with a set of mechanical problems that Chrissy described in her earlier blog (28th November). Having spent two months in Vientiane we will finally be ready to leave on the 31st December.

Despite the frustrations of being two months behind schedule; missing a rendezvous with Chrissy’s family for Christmas; ordering and waiting for spare parts from the UK we have filled our time well. Here are a few examples of what we did and of some of the things we leant:

Unexploded Ordnance (UXO) – The huge problem
Unbeknownst to me, during the Vietnam War the Americans strategically planned to cut off the Vietnamese supply/exit/entry routes through Laos and box them into their own country. In 1964 they set about putting this plan into action by carpet bombing the Laos/Vietnam border and they did so with formidable results. By 1973 they had flown over half a million bombing raids and dropped two million tons of explosive ordnance giving Laos the title of, ‘Per capita the most heavily bombed nation in the world’.

The legacy this plan has left in its wake is devastating. The Americans estimated that 30% of the bombs dropped did not explode. However, one source we spoke to at the International Cluster Munitions Conference suggested that figure was much higher because the bombs were often cushioned by vegetation on steep sided mountains as they fell and didn’t explode. These booby traps are now covered in soil and vegetation and mutilate or kill people in rural areas. I imagine this problem will only amplify as an increasing population occupies undisturbed land in the quest to produce a livelihood.

According to Lao National Unexploded Ordnance Program (UXO Lao) they have destroyed nearly 500,000 sub munitions since 1996 to 2010. However, this equates to only having dealt with 0.55% of the problem, which puts it into perspective how big a problem this is.

Cooperative Orthotic and Prosthetic Enterprise or COPE – Brings it home.
We learnt more about the UXO problem when we visited COPE and their fantastic awareness raising exhibition. The exhibit quite literally brings home the effects of UXO’s like a bomb (no pun intended).

The first thing you walk past in the exhibition is a life-sized model of an extremely nasty Cluster Bomb in mid-fall. A Cluster Bomb is basically a torpedo sized bomb that splits in half after it has left the aircraft and releases hundreds of golf ball sized bombs that spread over a huge area. No bomb is ever nice, but this one is completely hideous and you can see that it was designed to have maximum devastating effect. It is for this reason why the ‘Convention on Cluster Munitions’ was set up in 2008 and became law in August 2010 to ban using, producing, stockpiling or transferring Cluster Munitions. Luckily for us the first meeting of the state parties took place in Vientiane and we were invited along to one of the week’s events by John Dingley.

Continuing through COPE’s exhibition the impact of the hidden bombs (exploded or unexploded) turns into reality as you walk past towers of homemade prosthetic legs displayed to illustrate how people in Laos coped with loosing a limb before COPE established in 1997. There are many pictures in the exhibit that tell individual stories and there are others that show the excellent work COPE is doing with it’s work in rehabilitation, training programs and producing prosthetics.

We also learnt that there are two other problems relating to the UXO’s and Laotions. One is that poor people can actually earn a living from collecting either exploded or unexploded bombs to sell them as scrap metal and the other is that rural people use the bombs or scrap as tools, bedding pots and building materials. The consequences are so obvious that I don’t need to write about them.

COPE is a great organisation with a positive approach. You can pay them a visit on the web or in person http://www.copelaos.org/

Association for Aid and Relief, Japan (AAR JAPAN) – A great project.

Located next to COPE is the AAR Japan project that we also visited. This project produces and gives away forty wheelchairs a month to people who can’t afford them. The project works like a double edge sword because it doesn’t only provide a much needed service but it also employs and trains staff with disabilities to build the wheelchairs. Over the last ten years this project has given away hundreds of wheelchairs (costs $100/wheelchair) , which has contributed hugely to a country that is so in need but unfortunately the projects funding comes to an end in early 2011.
AAR Japan website: www.aarjapan.gr.jp/english/act/laos/index.html

Mechanical Problems – A waiting game.
Over the weeks we spent in Vientiane we have spent a vast majority of our time with the mechanics at Lao Ford City. A Philippine mechanic, called Hernan fitted our parts and worked into the night on countless occassions to get Miranda back on the road. We owe Hernan a huge amount of thanks for helping us and we also owe thanks to Gary from Frogs Island 4x4 in the UK for all of his advice and for doing everything possible to get our parts to us promptly.

Miranda’s Situation
The engine warning light is still on. Hernan tested the fault on the computer, which showed that the fault is coming from either the injector pump or the EGR. After some adjustments to the pumps timing Hernan managed to get the fault reading down to 0.75 and he said that an unacceptable reading is 4, so anything under that should be fine. She seems to be driving ok, so I have everything crossed that she will be ok.

A Good Guest Is One That Knows When To Leave – That is not us.
There are times in life when it is difficult to put feelings into words. On the eve of leaving Vientiane both Chrissy and I are finding it hard to come up with the words to express how much we would like to thank John, Katrina and Casper for everything they have done to help us. Thank you seems far too meager. Even so, we would sincerely like to thank them for their amazing hospitality and friendship over the last two months – they certainly made the challenges we faced far easier. Katrina once said, ‘What goes around, comes around’, so we hope we will be able to return the favour in the future.


The people we have met here in Vientiane have also been extremely welcoming and it has been great getting to know them all. We would like to thank the people who have fed us roast chicken; driven us around in the Pope mobile; ordered medication; helped fix our van; found cheaper deals to send our parts to the UK; taught us something; hosted a talk I gave at I-Cat Galley; lifted me in and out of Tuk-Tuks and the Pope mobile; driven us around in a Tuk-Tuk; fed us more delicious food; invited us to Christmas; gave us ginger bread men; reheated our gravy (Steven); invited Chrissy to a Hens Party and shared a part of their lives with us. You know who you are, so Thank You Very Very Much.

Good bye and thank you. We are going to miss Vientiane.

PS. Public message from Brendon at COPE - ‘Eat your greens’.

Have a Cracking Christmas!!

What did Adam say on the day before Christmas ?
It's Christmas, Eve !

What does Father Christmas suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney ?
Santa Claustrophobia !

Why is Christmas just like a day at the office ?
You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

What do you call a letter sent up the chimney on Christmas Eve ?
Black mail !

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!! We hope that everyone has a great time and 2011 brings you everything you hope for.

Photo: Santa was caught by our local paparazzi in downtown Vientiane, but because of the humidity rumour has it he's flown to the cooler highlands of Kenya...

The Louis Long Way Down (China 8th Sept - Oct 14th)

When we found out that we had to take a mandatory guide into China with us for an entire month, our imaginations went wild. In one case we imagined a grumpy middle aged man, who having been a tour guide for too long, had developed a drinking problem, had a nasty habit of hawking on our van floor, and wasn’t too worried about having showers or impressing us. Another worst case scenario was a sumo-wrestling eating machine, who would end up breaking Miranda’s precariously balanced suspension and eat and drink us dry. I remember Col saying that he couldn’t imagine spending one whole month, with a guide he didn’t know and it all going completely well. Fortunately we were wrong.

When we met Louis Long at the Chinese border our imaginations had led us astray. Here stood a young, boy animatedly waving at us. He looked like he would have trouble getting into a nightclub, with a slightly pubescent complexion, great big toothy grin, chirpy pip squeak voice (that would give mine a run for its money) and a big backpack on his front that seemed to be carrying him. That’s right he was barely taller than me and much lighter than me, a meagre 46kg. His immediate enthusiasm – taking self-portrait pictures in front of the drab border post buildings and instantly presenting us with a synopsis of the itinerary, before we had even been granted permission to enter China - gave me the impression that he had just graduated from tour guide school with flying colours. That said, I thought his career might be short lived the first time he had to help lift Col + chair (a combined 100kg) up a flight of stairs at the border post, at which point his face turned beetroot red and he sounded like he had sustained a hernia, letting out a bellowing groan that would rival that of a woman with small hips giving birth to quintuplets.

As we would soon learn, one of Louis Long's favourite sayings was "you can’t judge a book by its cover" and in actual fact, Louis’ initial appearance was deceiving and our imagination could never have been capable of conjouring up such a unique and friendly character. Louis may have looked slightly young for his age, but in actual fact he was a 26 year old, newlywed, walking encyclopedia, who had guided foreigners for three years and possessed a wisdom and maturity beyond his years. Louis had a brilliant sense of humour, was passionate about China and Sichuan food and was a very easygoing, affable bloke, whose favourite pastime was spotting beautiful Chinese ladies (or ‘menures’ as he called them) from the car. Although he claimed that his wife was his number one menure, the ‘menure hunter’ as we nicknamed him, didn’t mind us driving late into the night, never complained when dinner or lunch was put on hold (despite his enormous appetitie) and was always happy to sit or sleep anywhere – even when he was cooped up into the back of Miranda.

Although Louis’ strongpoint wasn’t navigation, he would always scurry around for us and eagerly caterpault himself out of and into the back of Miranda, sometimes four times on one, 1km straight stretch of road to confirm (and reconfirm) the correct direction of travel with any local passersby. We assumed such a conversation would ordinarily take 20 seconds, something like “hi how’s it going, I was wondering if you could tell me where the A11 highway is” followed by “sure no problem, just turn right at the next set of traffic lights” but Louis was a great people person. Instead the conversation took a minimum of three minutes, during which Louis and the stranger he had asked directions from, engaged in a lengthy conversation. It appeared they discussed the directions first, testament to the fact that they began wildly gesticulating in all directions but then they appeared to calm down and begin asking each other personal questions: perhaps how their respective families were going, what their Chinese horoscopes were, and how the story of their lives began. Sometimes they exchanged a joke or appeared to get into a lively debate. In any case by the time Louis returned to our car, he and the stranger looked like the best of friends and we were only slightly clearer as to which direction we should be heading in. Sometimes for insurance purposes it was typical of Louis to simply invite his newly acquired soulmate into the back of Miranda and they would cooperatively direct us in the right direction, whilst happily chattering to each other the entire way.

Louis was was absolutely enthusiastic and grateful for everything. Whenever I cooked him some two minute pot noodles, or presented him with a bowl of sloppy oats, he made me undeservingly feel like Jamie Oliver as he ravaged the food in minutes and complimented me like it was the best meal he had ever eaten. Having Louis in the car was like being on one of those hippy-esque, positive affirmation courses. After a long days drive, he would always repeat “Colin you are great, Chrissy you are great” to which in unison we would reply “No Louis, You are Great!” Col introduced him to the 20 questions game which he became seriously addicted to, although he picked up a cheeky habit of trying to cheat. He also just loved chatting to Col and I about Jin-glish and Aw-dalian culture and would ask us back to back questions, whilst squatting by Col’s side like a little mouse – incidentally his Chinese horoscope was a Rat. Whenever we presented him with a new colloquial phrase e.g. “shizer” or “the shit has hit the fan” he would write it down in his little book, recite it and proudly use it in as many conversations as possible, even if it was completely out of context.

Here is an excerpt from a recent e-mail he sent us testament to this fact:

“ acturally ,I like the prases you taught me "what goes on the trip stays on the trip, shit happens, touch wood and so on" they are very useful ,so thanks again ,yes "right" is a funny word I will use it more often when I'm on the tour. as for the 20 questions game is also very interesting I like it very much and it of course will do a great help to my latter work. so thanks for the 3rd time!”

Of course we also delighted in picking up his catch phrases. Whenever he started a new sentence he would always precede it with “Yes”. Whenever he described something it was always preceded by "very, very" or "many, many" and he loved to finish every statement as though it was a question by saying "right?" e.g. “Yes shizer we are in Chengdu today where the shit has hit the fan and that is great because there are many, many, very, very beautiful girls there...right"? Another amusing catch phrase was used whenever he couldn’t remember what he was going to say next. In these cases he would suddenly pause and shout “it’s something like...WHAT??” to which Col would shout back “I don’t know...WHAT?”



Louis loved to talk, any time, any place, especially about Chinese culture and history. As soon as he had navigated us out of a town or city and we drove onto a new motorway, like clockwork he would stick his head in between the driver and passenger seats - in a turtle popping it’s head out of a shell fashion - and regardless of the conversation which had been taking place, he would clear his throat and begin reciting a thirty-fifty minute historical monologue related to the next town or city we would be visiting -with the odd "understand?" thrown in to check we were listening. It reminded me of going to a museum with an audio-guide and listening to one of those pre-recorded spiels relating to a certain exhibit number. If there was no historical significance relating to the town we would visit, the romantic Louis would simply tell us a Chinese love story. These stories would go ahead rain, hail, tollbooths, roadblocks or shine, unless it was interrupted by the sound of “just sing me a song, and you won’t be alone...” Louis’ soppy love song mobile ring tone.

Louis helped us so much with our mechanical troubles and never ceased to amuse or entertain us. We were lucky to have scored such a cool guide on our voyage through China and thought we’d dedicate a blog post to him. “Yes...thankyou...SHIZER...it’s something like...WHAT... Louis you are very, very great ...RIGHT”?

The Curious Chinese (8th Sept - 16th Oct)

What was your preconception of the Chinese people before you arrived in China?
Tea, communism and Chinese food are the first things that came to mind, but to tell you the truth, I didn’t have any distinct opinion or view of the Chinese. I had heard on the travelers’ grapevine that the Chinese were very shrewd business people. Apart from that I guessed that they may have deep routed traditions and beliefs and because we weren’t allowed to drive through their country without having a guide; numerous permits and a non-negotiable itinerary, I thought that they might be very secretive.

Did you observe any specific characteristics that the Chinese have?
Our first encounter with the Chinese was when some Chinese truck drivers came to our aid in no-mans land (when I damaged Miranda’s undercarriage). They were extremely friendly and proud of China. However, a few hours later my initial impression changed after experiencing what felt like a thorough questioning; followed by a dogged and meticulous inspection of every corner of our van by the Chinese border officials – they even made Chrissy rip Taiwan out of the Lonely Planet map of China as it was demarcated as a separate country from China. At that point I thought, ‘One month driving in China. What the hell have we let ourselves in for?’ Thankfully, we never witnessed these characteristics again during our journey through China.


The Chinese as a nation never seem to stop! I did notice that most Chinese are extremely enthusiastic about starting their own businesses and improving their lives, which generally means if you need anything, whether it’s a mechanic or a toothbrush at any time of day, seven days a week, you can always find one. Having said all of that I have to say that my overriding memory of the Chinese main characteristics is how curious they are.

Can you give me an example?


It became customary that before we set off every morning we would eat our ‘Jin-glish Breakfast’ outside the back of the van, which was either muesli or muesli. Louis Long (our guide) would generally squat down next to me eagerly slurping down his breakfast, whilst Chrissy sat on the bumper to make her way happily through her favorite meal of the day. On each occasion I felt like we were being watched by encircling vultures and moments later we would be surrounded by a crowd of curious Chinese. In between his masticating mouthfuls Louis would then tell them about what were doing. At the end of his rehearsed speech he would tell them that I was actually the driver at which point they would look me up and down and just before they strode off towards my drivers door they would give Louis a look like they thought he was a total nut-bag. Without doubt they would return minutes later with an enormous grin on their faces, giving me the thumbs up with both hands.


By the end of the month I could tell Louis was getting tired of the constant questioning but for me I think it’s extremely important for people to see and know what we are doing, regardless of how tired we are. I do this not to gloat, but in the hope that I will implant a memory of a disabled person driving an adapted van from the UK to Australia. I hope that if unfortunate circumstances ever happen to the people who have met us and they, their friends or family sustain a spinal cord injury then they may think back to that crazy Jin-glish guy who drove with hand-controls and realise that there may be a solution to the problems they face. I don’t mean to sound arrogant. I personally believe that its easier to strive for something, if you know what you want to achieve is not impossible i.e. it’s far easier to sail around the world knowing the world isn’t flat. Right?


Getting back to the question the funniest experience of the ‘curious Chinese’ occurred in Xining. Once again Louis and I were sat outside our van chomping down our breakfast whilst people weaved in and out of our circle, stared in our cereal bowls and went to look at the hand-controls. However, this day was different. Chrissy was out of sight behind the curtains of the van brewing up some tea and coffee. As soon as our audience sensed hidden movement coming from her concealed position they would hone in on their prey like a pack of hyenas. Without asking for permission, I watched a six-foot security guard dressed in a camouflage uniform and big black boots pull the curtain back and disappear into the van. Moments earlier I had watched him spark up a cigarette and shove it in his mouth before he completed his vanishing act. When he finally emerged with his cigarette slightly shorter but still wedged firmly in his mouth, two more people clambered past him to disappear through the curtain in a Narnia-like way. At this point, I imagined what the consequences would be if this very same thing happened to unsuspecting people in England. They would surely think that the world had gone stark raving insane. Thankfully, we had gotten used to this level of curiosity and all we could do was laugh at the situation. Chrissy later recounted how the three people who invited themselves into the back of the van had sat down behind her watching her every move, whilst puffing away on their cigarettes and without saying a word, as though they were at the theatre.



Have they left any lasting impressions?


Finger prints! Jokes aside there were finger prints all over our van throughout our time in China - evidence of countless people who pressed themselves against the van to peer in through the van windows. Stranger still, they also seemed to be fascinated about inquisitively tapping on every different material as they made their way past our van, even if we were inside.


Apart from their curiosity I was struck by a) how easily they laughed and b) the numerous acts of generosity that they directed towards us. The most memorable act of generosity also occurred in Xining shortly after we had got the van going with the help of quick start spray. A passerby (Mr Wang) had helped Louis take our air intake pipe off and afterwards he invited us for dinner at his friends restaurant that night. After a day of driving Miranda from one mechanic to another and doing everything I could to try to not let her stall in the chaotically busy roads, we were met by Mr. Wang and his friend Mr. Hung who again invited us out for dinner. Although we were all exhausted, we felt like we had to accept. Cutting a long story short, it turned out Mr. Wang’s friend owned an extravagant restaurant that specialised in Chinese fusion food. And it latter turned out that Mr. Wang, who now thought of me of his “Jin-glish brother” (those were his words) wanted to use our example to ‘inspire his staff to challenge themselves to exceeding their potential’. Although I felt embarrassed after meeting all of his members staff and having to pose with them all for countless pictures, it was a great night and an experience that we will not forget.


Another experience that matched that one if not exceeded it, was being invited to have dinner with Louis’ wife and parents-in-law in Chengdu. It was obvious that they had spent a long time cooking over five different Sichuan dishes for us and what’s more, they had cooked the ones that Louis remembered that we had really enjoyed on our trip.


As always, the most memorable and enjoyable experiences on our journey so far haven’t occurred at tourist sites. Instead our greatest memories have come from meeting the local people and sharing a tiny part of their lives.


I have to say that although driving through China was extremely challenging it was also a fantastic experience. The people we met went out of their way to help us and we will always be truely grateful to them all for everything they did to for us.

Do you have any final thoughts?


Travelling in China has given me a glimpse of what an industrializing nation is like and as a result it has given me a greater understanding of the processes countries like the UK have also had to go through in their history. Whilst it’s admirable how much the Chinese have achieved in such a short time, it is slightly concerning that their development is having such a dramatic impact on the Chinese natural landscape. Its not just China who is to blame, we’ve seen countless examples of environmental damage in numerous countries during our journey. We’ve seen rivers so polluted that nothing could survive in them; we’ve breathed in air that is thick with sulphur that has been given off by coal fired power stations; we’ve witnessed bottomless irrigation projects that are bleeding the reserves dry; and we’ve seen thousand of hectares of treeless landscapes.


On the flip side of the coin, it is fantastic that we have also seen large wind powered farms (and evidence of new ones for the future)and hydroelectric dams along our journey, however, is it enough? I don’t think so! We have been in a unique situation, were we’ve had a ‘vans-eye view’ of the world and I don’t think the level of sustainable projects we’ve seen outweigh the level of destruction we have also witnessed. It would be hardly surprising if this year’s extreme weather is a result of ‘human advancement’, although interestingly the Chinese attribute it to 2012 - an American action blockbuster about the end of the world.


The Bushmen of the Kalahari have a rule that you never take everything from nature, whether it’s a shrub or a grub and if you kill an animal you give thanks to the animal. It’s a sustainable idea to ensure that there will always be something left for future generations. To me I think that this simple concept of giving something back after we have taken something for ourselves has been forgotten about. Although this is an extremely simplistic example, I strongly believe that if this concept of sustainability was introduced on a greater level e.g. if it was a mandatory policy in business and government then it would make everything we do in life so much more sustainable.

I wonder what our legacy will be for future generations i.e. 1. They should have acted sooner to prevent the disaster or 2. Thank goodness they acted - just in the nick of time. So, what does the future have instore for us if we don’t all make a change?

Update on Miranda's situation

The good news is that our injector pump arrived from the UK late last week. It was fitted along with a new timing belt over the weekend (after a lot of adjustments to the timing before the engine started) and I'm pleased to say that Miranda is now running again - although she still hasn't left the workshop.

The bad news is that an engine warning light has illuminated on the dashboard, which is not good. This didn't happen before so I image that the fault has something to do with re-fitting the injector pump. This is yet again another set back to our schedule.

On a side note, we have learnt that faulty injector pumps are very common in this part of the world due to the poor quality of diesel that is used. Basically, an injector pump injects fuel at a very high pressure and at a precise time into the cylinders (via injectors), which is only one process of a combustion engine (Suck, Squeeze, Bang, Blow). The pump is designed to use excess diesel to lubricate the complex working parts in the pump. The excess fuel is then returned to the tank via a fuel filter by a return pipe. Knowing this you can now imagine how easy it is for an injector pump and its intricate mechanisms to fail if poor quality diesel is used.

Xian & the Terracotta Army, (24th to 26th September, China)

I have to say that arriving in the ancient city of Xian felt bitter sweat. On one hand we felt extremely jubilant that we had travelled from one end of the Silk Road to the other. On the other hand we felt disappointed that Xian marked the end of one section of our journey.

It is hard to put into words the exact feelings we experienced, but in the simplest terms, we felt an extraordinary sense of satisfaction arriving at the final terminal of the Silk Road. I think it boils down to the fact that we had followed in the same footsteps of people from a time gone by and had to overcome the same challenges and face the same treacherous side of mother nature as they did. Having said that, our experience was made a hundred times easier by driving a motorised vehicle and travelling on tarred roads and it is this knowledge that has given us a huge amount of respect for those who completed the journey in a more rudimentary way. For me, the realization of what the first travellers accomplished should be put into the same context as sailing around the world or climbing Mt Everest – they achieved a truly remarkable feat!

Funnily enough our first night in Xian may have resembled the practices of a trading caravan. As per usual we arrived late at night in another Chinese city (Xian). Yet again we were unable to find a enclosed car park (to camp in) , so in a modern day ‘Silk Road Traveller Style’ I launched Miranda up the nearest curb; parked outside a noodle shop; packed our guide off into the budget-of-budget guest houses and then bedded down in the van. The next morning we woke to the sound of rain and a little old Chinese granny heckling us to get off her pavement. As we peeled the curtains open we were startled to see a market had set up all around us; leaving hardly enough space for Chrissy to squeeze out of barely open van door.

Feeling scorned, we departed our nights resting point like a dog with its tail between its legs. As I watched the granny (who was still shaking her walking stick at us) fade away in my rear view mirror it struck me what a strange phenomenon it is, that despite their petite appearance, grannies from all over the world have unique ability to instill an awful amount of fear in the younger generation. This thought disappeared quickly with the thought of what lay ahead that day – visiting the Terracotta Army. I had read about the Terracotta Army in the National Geographic when I was a teenager and the prospect of visiting the site made me feel incredibly excited. This time I think I will just let the pictures do the talking.





What an experience!

Limbo in Laos (27th Nov - 14th Dec)

Sabaidee (hello) everyone,

Here is a very quick update. We still haven't moved on, because we are still waiting for Miranda to be fixed. Our injector pump was sent to an injector pump specialist in the UK to be calibrated. HOWEVER, as our pump is very unique (apparently) the specialist was unable to fix it, so it has been sent to another specialist in Reading. All of which means that we are now nearly 2 months behind our schedule and we might have to wait another week or two before we are on the road again. Although this is incredibly frustrating we are remaining patient.

On the plus side we are beginning to feel like locals here. We’re best of friends with our Tuk Tuk driver who ferries us around in the back of a Tuk Tuk and the dogs in town no longer bark at me in my wheel chair. In fact, they've got so use to me they barely manage to peel one eyelid open as a wheel past.

The only other news is Chrissy is going out with a Lao man who is called Iwaz Wonzawoman. Only joking……..I just thought I’d write something slightly interesting for you.

Bye bye for now.

Ps Just incase you didn't know that you shouldn't stand on the toilet seat to carry out your business here is a public notice for you. 'Toilet Awareness' Go - Enjoy it!

Mechanical Woes: The Epic begins…(15th Sept - 27th Nov)

For the past two and a half months we have experienced constant mechanical problems, which have proved to delay, frustrate, baffle, endanger and – at times – entertain us. These began in China, in the city of Ansi, just as we prepared ourselves for the home run to Australia, believing that – in true Driving Home style - we had left the challenging part of our journey behind. In China we visited more mechanics than tourist sights. In fact our mechanical woes proved to be a tourist attraction in themselves, as we began breaking down in the most inopportune of places – in the middle of busy intersections, while filling up our tank at the garage or at toll booths with a cue of traffic behind us. As a result, I have learnt a hell of a lot about diesel engines thanks to Col who I subjected to a daily barrage of questions on all things mechanical. It has also consequently increased the employability of our Chinese Guide (Louis Long) who’s English Vocabulary has tripled – (he is now proficient in mechanical terminology) and will no doubt impress future self-drive tourists with the Guinness Book of Record’s speed in which he can disconnect and reconnect an air inlet pipe, in order to pump it with quick start spray, to start our engine.

Here is a brief synopsis of the key mechanical related events which took place from 15th September 2010 until the present date. (To do justice to some of the places we visited, Col will later post blog entries on the interesting, non-mechanical aspects of our trip)


15th September 2010 (Hami to Ansi – Exploding Mountain)
Alongside hundreds of lorries we drive through a great ball of dust for an entire day and well into the night, after Chinese road workers detonate a nearby mountain, scattering boulders all over a main thoroughfare and forcing us to take many off-road diversions, which would make any off-road driving enthusiast, green with envy. Miranda is really smothered in dust.

16th September (Ansi to Jiayuguan – The Erratic Idling Begins)
After starting the engine, we are surprised to find that Miranda is idling erratically. We suspect that our air filter may be clogged from our dusty drive, so we drive to Jiayuguan and find the first mechanic (that understands Louis Long’s wild gesticulating impersonation of replacing an air filter) to replace our air filter. The new filter doesn’t help and Miranda is worse, as the engine turns but is difficult to start. We are told to visit a local diesel mechanic who replaces the fuel filter, suspecting it’s clogged. It takes three hours for him to bleed the air out of the fuel line, which involves lots of engine turning whilst revving the accelerator. Eventually the car starts, but is still idling erratically.

17th September (Jiayuguan – Cheap Sightseeing)
Miranda won’t start again. Ford Mechanics pay us a visit but cannot help as she is “Jin-glish made” and too old for them to fix her. Suspecting that there is still air in the fuel line, we ask the local diesel mechanic (who fitted our fuel filter) to bleed our fuel system again. It doesn’t solve the problem and he only starts Miranda, with the aid of quick start spray (a highly flammable fuel), blasted into the air inlet. We follow him to his garage. Miranda is put on the high-lift and many Chinese mechanics scurry about underneath, looking for holes in her undercarriage where air could get in. They find nothing so we drive to the Great Wall of China, but are worried about turning the engine off (in case she fails to start), so we end up erratically idling in the car park and call Gary from Frogs Island 4X4 UK to ask for advice. He suspects air getting into the fuel line or a broken fuel injector pump. We hope it’s not the costly latter! We take a memorable photo of the Great Wall at the ticket booth, probably looking like the tightest tourists in town.

18th September (Jiayuguan to Xining – The Quick Start Spray Fix )
Miranda won’t start again but we know the drill and have bought our own quick start spray. So begins the maiden attempt of our new daily ritual. Louis Long dismantles the air inlet pipe and blasts in some quick start spray, while Col turns the engine on and I rev the accelerator. The whole process takes anywhere from 5-15 minutes depending on how quickly Miranda takes to the spray. Apparently there are no other mechanics in town who can fix our “Jin-glish” engine problem and we are advised to go to a big city to find mechanics with more expertise. We drive to Xining over the foggy Tibetan Plateau – where we originally hoped to camp, before our engine trouble started. Just as the weather clears and we spot our first yak, the sun sets, at which point Miranda’s Oil Pressure Warning light also comes on. This prompts Col to drive even more carefully, to avoid putting Miranda under pressure and so we snake our way slowly along the 12,000 foot high roads in the pitch black, until we climb down to the capital of Qinghai province.

19th September (Xining – Rejected)
After starting Miranda with quick start spray we head to the local Ford Service Centre to be told that they can’t fix Miranda as they only deal with petrol based engines. A passer-by Good Samaritan takes us to two more mechanics (who also turn us down) until a Diesel Mechanic, familiar with Ford Transit engines, offers to help. The mechanic is initially perplexed by our foreign engine, but then confidently states that the problem must be our injectors and he can replace them for us, if we order new parts from the UK. An hour later \and he changes his mind, admitting that he wouldn’t feel confident working on our “Jin-glish” engine and advising us to go to an even bigger city to find more experienced mechanics. Feeling defeated we search Ford Transit forums for advice. One expert suggests injector cleaner, in case Miranda has been filled with dirty diesel.

20th – 21st September (Xining – Rejected the Sequel)
We quick start spray Miranda to life and decide to visit a Buddhist temple, but en-route we notice that the erratic idling is worse and Miranda is almost stalling at idle speed. Whenever we come to a stop, I have to put Miranda straight into park so that Col can rev the accelerator (in boy racer style) to prevent her from stalling. We cancel the sightseeing and look for a new mechanic and some Injector Cleaner. We try many places where diesel cars are found: Land Rover, Toyota, Lorry depots and Tractor mechanics all over Xining. No one has injector cleaner and no one wants to fix our “Jin-glish” made engine, staring blankly at it like it was made on another planet, even when Louis Long translates at lightning speed, gesticulating emotively. We are surprised, as we thought the Chinese could build and fix anything! During our search we begin stalling at traffic lights and intersections. Luckily, Col is able to quickly restart the car each time, so that we don’t cause too much chaos for long. Louis Long also finds some injector cleaner, which we pour straight into our tank at the nearest Fuel Station.

22nd – 23rd September (Xining to Lanzhou – Bad Injectors)
We try to quick start spray Miranda but it takes a lot longer than normal to get her going and we need time out so that we don’t bust the Starter Motor. Eventually Miranda starts and we drive to Lanzhou, the capital of Gansu province - a bigger, skyscraper dominated city, with more mechanics. The day we arrive is a public holiday and so the following morning we are up early to look for mechanics. The first mechanic looks promising due to the variety of 4WD vehicles in his garage. He can’t fix our “Jin-glish” car but he suggests someone who can and drives us there. Just as we begin to give up hope, that anyone will ever help us, a mechanic gives us the thumbs up. Suspecting that it’s an injector problem, he removes one and tests it. Under normal circumstances fuel passing through an injector should do so under such high pressure that the fuel atomises. Ours doesn’t and so we order new ones from the UK. It will take a week to arrive, so we arrange to send them to Chengdu, a city where we hope to be in one week’s time.

24th – 30th September

(Lanzhou to Chengdu via Xian, Foping & Langzhong – RIP Starter Motor)
The injector cleaner appears to have temporarily alleviated our tendency to stall and with our parts ordered we decide to do some sightseeing in Xian (famous for the Terracotta Warriors) and Langzhong (with it’s UNESCO heritage listed old town), rather than taking the direct route to Chengdu. Unfortunately, by the time we arrive in Xian we are stalling on a whim. To add to our troubles we discover that our starter motor is now broken (probably from overturning the motor one too many times). Starting Miranda with quick start spray used to be a necessity only in the mornings, but now without a starter motor we need to use quick start spray whenever we turn off our engine or stall it. What’s more without a starter motor, we need to use a grater quantity of quick start spray to get the engine restarted. Over the next week, stalling in inopportune places en-route to Chengdu becomes a reality which either puts us in dangerous situations and/or fuels road rage, from a nation already inspired to sit on their horns continuously.

1st – 7th October (Chengdu – The Waiting Game)
We get to Chengdu to meet our injectors, but have no idea that China’s Annual Golden Week (seven day public holiday) will commence the day we arrive. The injectors make it to Guangzhou from the UK in record time but due to the public holiday they spend the entire week in Guangzhou despite our optimistic efforts to check the FEDEX tracking website daily. We are now running behind schedule and have to apply for an extension on our Chinese Permits. Incidentally Col has acquired a pressure sore from long days of driving, so on a positive note, waiting for our injectors, leaves plenty of time for bed rest.

8th – 9th October (Chengdu – False Hopes)
Our injectors finally arrive and Tracy from Chengdu based NAVO tour (who organised our Chinese permits and guide for us) arranges for her friend, a retired mechanic, to fit our new injectors for us. When the old ones come out they are covered in soot but unfortunately after all our waiting, the new ones fail to stop the erratic idling. The retired mechanic calls some local mechanics to have a go fixing our starter motor. They don’t know how to fix it, fail to find a replacement at the local market and actually break a bolt on it trying to get it out of the car. We are back to square one, but have to get a move on, before we overstay our Chinese Permits any longer. Col calls Gary to order the new starter motor to be sent to Laos and we make a plan to leave China.

10th – 12th October (Chengdu to Kunming via Zhaotong – Clumsy Chrissy
We race to get to the Chinese border in record time but are faced with a new challenge. During my maiden attempt to quick start spray Miranda in Kunming, the nozzle Louis Long gives me to make the job easier, is sucked off the bottle and into the air inlet pipe. This delays us for a day, as we seek the help of local mechanics to dismantle the piping to the cylinders. After a quick inspection, followed by a three hour lunch break, the local mechanics inform us that they can’t dismantle the pipes as they don’t have the correct tools. Luckily Gary from Frogs Island 4X4 UK comes to the rescue, informing us over the phone, that the plastic tip would have combusted and won’t be a problem. Even though we have lost time I am extremely relieved that I won’t need to buy Col a new engine for Christmas!

12th – 13th October (Zhaotong to Mengla – Stalling like it’s going out of Fashion)
We are running behind schedule again and are faced with more challenges. Miranda is not only idling erratically, but even at driving speed she is beginning to vibrate. What’s more, we are now stalling more than a learner with a driving phobia, being forced to drive through an Iranian traffic jam at gunpoint.
I.e. the stalling is now such a big problem that whenever we begin to slow down to 1st gear, Miranda conks out. This is despite my efforts to slam the gear stick into park upon coming to a stop. We are now quick start spraying at toll booths and every traffic jam, traffic light, roundabout and crossroads. We are running out of quick start spray and losing the will to drive but upon arriving at the border town of Mengla, we decide to treat Miranda to a quick car wash, in the hope it will mask her mechanical problems during tomorrows’ border crossing. This ends up being a bad move. Col stalls a total of twelve times trying to reverse out of the carwash**. We call a local mechanic, hopeful for a last minute diagnosis, but as per usual they haven’t got a clue what’s wrong with our car due to its “Jin-glish” make. Fed up with Chinese Mechanics, we bunny hop along to the first hotel with a front end parking space that we can quickly screech into without stalling.

** Col would like to remind readers that he is not a bad driver. Miranda has an automatic transmission so it’s virtually impossible to stall, unless something is wrong with the engine.

14th October (Mengla to Udomxai – Anal Chinese Border Officials)
We are up early for our border crossing, but our last minute attempts to withdraw money for a tank of diesel delay us, as every ATM and cash exchange appear to be out of cash or out of order. Despite the delay we manage to hobble to the border in time, although the place we choose to stall, irritates the stroppy border guard. He wants us to reverse as apparently we have prematurely overshot an (invisible) border crossing line before going through the necessary red tape. This results in a fifteen minute argument between Louis Long and the Border Guard. It is only when the Border Guard perhaps grasps the gravity of our engine problem and the danger it could present on Chinese Roads that he not only lets us stay put, but appears to run us through the necessary paperwork at record speed – as though he hopes to get us out of China ASAP.

14th October (Mengla to Udomxai – Laidback Laos Border Officials)
Louis Long quick starts our engine one last time, as we say our goodbyes and drive to the Laos side of the border. It is here that Col conveniently chooses to stall right outside the mandatory insecticide spraying stand. While Miranda gets de-bugged, I run through the most laidback border procedures on our trip to date. Border officials are too busy playing online poker and eyeing up their Laos Edition Playboy centre-fold ladies, to bother too much about border formalities such as checking our carnet or car. I double check that there is nothing more we need to do and explain that once we start our car we cannot stop for anyone due to the stalling problem. No one seems phased by this revelation or worried about the danger we could present on Laos roads. Given the green light, we quick start Miranda, with the help of a border official (to take the place of Louis) and drive the remaining 2km to the Laos entrance. We are disappointed to see one last customs checkpoint up ahead, which would mean that stalling would be inevitable, but luck is on our side. As we drive up to the gate, none of the customs officials bother to look up from the card game they are playing. So we tear through the gate and into Laos like we have just robbed a bank, without anyone batting an eyelid. We are extremely lucky, that Laos border officials are so laidback as we cannot imagine any other border post to date, letting us through with an engine in such bad condition!

14th October (Mengla to Udomxai – Speed)
Upon entering Laos I am immediately struck by its beauty – lush green tropical vegetation, massive butterflies and a perfect blue sky, but unfortunately poor Col needs to concentrate to make it to Udomxai. The drive is less than 100km but the roads are windy, very narrow and at times unsealed. Stalling (and then having to quick start spray Miranda) on one of these roads, with its numerous blind spots would put us in danger, due to the oncoming traffic (4wd’s and trucks) hurtling along the roads.
But, the hair pin bends make it difficult for Col to maintain speed. So to avoid stalling, Col starts driving like a police car in a high speed chase sequence (albeit in first gear he looks more like he is driving a police car in a high speed chase sequence at slow motion). I.e. he begins switching lanes at last minute, running through stop signs and doing anything possible to avoid stopping and thus stalling. We must give foreign drivers a bad reputation as we career through villages, tear around dogs, pedestrians and even steamrollers and construction sights without ever stopping or giving way.
The adrenalin rush from these moments is electrifying. It feels like we are in a runaway train hurtling towards the end of a line; or in a computer game where the object is to win a car race without hitting obstacles. At times we even feel like Keanu Reeves in the movie “Speed” where we need to keep the car moving or the car will blow up. This approach serves us well and Col impressively manages to get us to Udomxai before nightfall, as we screech into the first guesthouse car-park we can find before stalling it for the first time in Laos.

15th – 21st October (Udomxai, Meeting Hercu-LEE-s)
Due to the hair-raising drive from Mengla to Udomxai, coupled with Miranda’s deteriorating condition, Col and I talk about the options we have left for Miranda. Col’s expat friends in Vientiane (Kenyan born Katrina and her hubbie John Dingley) own a Ford and are confident in their local service centre – Laos Ford City. We plan to get Miranda there, but Vientiane is over 300km away, which on more windy, mountain roads equates to at least 16 hours more driving. We talk about hiring a transporter to take Miranda to Vientiane, but after some investigation we find out it will cost us over $1000, so can that option. Enter our equivalent of a knight in shining armor. While Col and I enjoy some tasty Laos fare, Col spots two passing Landrovers (one towing the other) – through a narrow gap in a wall. Excited by the prospect of meeting fellow overlanders, I dash outside and we become acquainted with two over-landing families, who have impressively driven from the UK and are also headed for Australia – Andy, Anne, Jessica and AJ (the Towee’s) and Helen, Beverley and Lee (the Tower’s).

It seems that things do happen for a reason. Not only do we enjoy spending time with them over the next few days, who are held up due to their own mechanical problems, but Lee (or HercuLEEs as he could be nicknamed) just so happens to be a great mechanic. Lee is a Salt of the Earth kinda bloke. Although, you’d never want to piss him off (his forearms are e so wide that he has managed to tattoo a world map with his overland route on one of them), he has a heart of gold and not only does he kindly fit our new Starter Motor, which is shipped out from the UK in record time, but he offers to take a closer look under our bonnet.
Upon closer inspection he suspects that the problem is most probably our Fuel Injector Pump, but in the meantime he notices that our fuel filter is blocked. Since we don’t have a spare fuel filter, he reconnects the pipes, so that they bypass the fuel filter. With a new starter motor and bypassed fuel filter, he manages to start our car for the first time without the aid of quick start spray. While Miranda is still idling erratically, this bypass also curbs our tendency to stall. Col and I are thrilled!

22nd – 26th October
(Udomxai to Vientiane via Luang Prabang & Phoukhon, Leaking Fuel)
Col and I are delighted. We are able to drive from Udomxai to Vientiane without the risk of stalling. While we are still erratically idling more than Krakatoa, it is so nice to stop the car at traffic lights or enter a traffic jam, without worrying about stalling, popping the bonnet and having to disconnect the air inlet pipe (in order to quick start spray the engine) without getting run over. We only encounter a couple of problems. In beautiful Luang Prabang, we drive to the local Shell Garage and find that our fuel cap is jammed. 30 minutes later, with the aid of WD40 and some pliers, a service station attendant manages to crank off the lid. We are also alarmed to smell diesel, upon stopping for a pit stop in the mountainous region south of Luang Prabang.
It seems that bypassing the fuel filter has caused fuel to drip out of the inlet pipe, but after a few phonecalls to Ford Lao City, we are informed that driving with leaking diesel is not dangerous so long as we drive carefully and look out for signs of smoke. In no time at all we are relieved to be dropping our car off at Laos Ford City to mechanics who already seem to understand the problem, aren’t perplexed by our “Jin-glish” engine and most importantly, speak English!

27th October – 27th November (Vientiane, Intermission)
Miranda has been at Laos Ford City for an entire month and we have been staying with the amazing, kind and extremely hospitable Dingleys in Vientiane for the same time. Vientiane is a great place to be stuck and we have been very lucky to have landed a bed in such a welcoming house and gotten to know the fun and entertaining Dingleys. It has taken so long to fix our car that we have met many of Katrina and John’s friends and now feel like one of the locals running into someone we know on most trips to town. Whenever we do run into someone they always ask us the same question “how is the car”? We always give the same answer “well…that’s the million dollar question…”.

While Miranda is on the road to recovery, the delay has been two fold. Firstly, ordering parts from the UK is an extremely time consuming process. We needed to order a new fuel filter and an entire fuel line, due to the mechanics suspicion that air was getting into the fuel. But this failed to solve the erratic idling problem and now it seems that the only remaining cause of our erratic idling, is the part we always hoped it wouldn’t be – our expensive fuel injector pump. It is likely that dirty black market fuel may have led to Miranda’s downfall – clogged our injectors and buggered our fuel injector pump. Since there is no fuel injector specialist willing to calibrate our pump in Vientiane, we have had to send our pump to the UK. This will set us back another two or three weeks.

As a result we have been delayed considerably and sadly it doesn’t look like we will make it to Australia for Christmas, but that is part of the challenge of travelling. On a positive note, being stuck in Laos has given us time to see Vientiane, attend to miscellaneous overdue errands, visit interesting places (such as a local NGO building wheelchairs for disabled people amongst other things),attend events linked to the recent International Cluster Munitions Conference and it has even sparked new ideas for the future. Vientiane seems to be the equivalent of an “intermission” on our trip, but we hope to be back on the road before Christmas, ready for Part 2 of our journey to Australia!

NB: This blog is dedicated to the amazing, one and only Christy, who quite rightly, in no uncertain terms, told us to pull our finger out with the blog. This ones for you daarlin!